Twist Street

Sam Westing, Barney Northrup, Sandy McSouthers, Julian R. Eastman, & Me

Posts tagged Why would you NOT live in Los Angeles?

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Parts of the Sunset Strip will be getting a major facelift over the next few years. After it was announced last week that the original Hustler store will be shutting down to possibly make way for a new luxury hotel in West Hollywood, it looks like the House of Blues will also be on its way out. AECOM and Combined Properties Inc. are planning on building a massive mixed-use development with 149 hotel rooms, 40 condos and an entertainment venue where the House of Blues now sits.

Not really my place, the House of Blues, not where I go, not really sad about the news, but: 40 condos?? Who’s ever walked by the House of Blues and said, “That’s where I want to live.  I want that to be the house of both Jim Belushi’s blues and ME.  I just love traffic congestion so much. The #1 thing I look for in housing?  Bumper-to-bumper traffic and being walking distance from the classy, elegant crowds at the Saddle Ranch.”  Just bring a sleeping bag to the Saddle Ranch!  

What neighborhood do you live in?"  "It’s called Mel’s Diner Adjacent.  MDA Represent!

Filed under Why would you NOT live in Los Angeles?

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Probably this will be it, and there won’t be any more 4s. But the chance we will have a bigger earthquake this year is more than if we hadn’t had this cluster,” U.S. Geological Survey seismologist Lucy Jones said. “Every earthquake makes another earthquake more likely.

(Source: Los Angeles Times)

Filed under Why would you NOT live in Los Angeles?

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Walked across the street from a hotel in my neighborhood and even though I couldn’t make out faces, I could still tell that they were filming the Entourage movie based upon the facts that there were cameras pointing at (a) some douchebag wearing a fedora (b) sitting in the backseat of a convertible.  I can name that tune in two.
Here’s my impression of what opening night of the Entourage movie is going to be like:  ”I sure hope Seth McFarlane is playing himself in this.”

Walked across the street from a hotel in my neighborhood and even though I couldn’t make out faces, I could still tell that they were filming the Entourage movie based upon the facts that there were cameras pointing at (a) some douchebag wearing a fedora (b) sitting in the backseat of a convertible.  I can name that tune in two.

Here’s my impression of what opening night of the Entourage movie is going to be like:  ”I sure hope Seth McFarlane is playing himself in this.

Filed under Why would you NOT live in Los Angeles?

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Ate at that Sqirl on Monday— out of my way but I was in the neighborhood.  Came late so only had time for a sandwich, Prosciutto and Fennel on a Burnt Baguette (See also).  I liked it— bread was good; flavors; etc.  I don’t know why all these places about town got so into communal tables, why that’s such a thing, but it was a pleasant sandwich.  I used to live around there-ish, when I first moved to LA— I’d see these teenage girls fist-fighting at the bus-stops when I would drive home, real brutal style.  I guess it’s a nicer place to live now though.  One time I drove a teenage hitchhiker to a party on 30-th or 40-th street; she’d sometimes lean out my window at girls on the street and yell these bird noises, lke “Cee-caww caw caw" but then  shove her head back and  tell me "Oh I thought I knew them— I don’t know them— drive!"  I don’t know what they did with the fennel but I think the fennel was pretty key for the sandwich.  It was late in the day, otherwise I guess I should’ve fucked with their jam more…?  Guess they’re known for their jam.  Never been that into jam, though.  Glancing at the internet I got the least adventurous dish, which is a bummer, but they were about to close and all, so.  I went after taking care of stuff at the DMV, wandering around Runyon Canyon some, and buying some comics at Golden Apple, so I was pretty hungry and in a good mood… Felt like writing this down while the dentist-drugs wear off. My nose still feels weird.  I can’t stop wanting to touch it…

Ate at that Sqirl on Monday— out of my way but I was in the neighborhood.  Came late so only had time for a sandwich, Prosciutto and Fennel on a Burnt Baguette (See also).  I liked it— bread was good; flavors; etc.  I don’t know why all these places about town got so into communal tables, why that’s such a thing, but it was a pleasant sandwich.  I used to live around there-ish, when I first moved to LA— I’d see these teenage girls fist-fighting at the bus-stops when I would drive home, real brutal style.  I guess it’s a nicer place to live now though.  One time I drove a teenage hitchhiker to a party on 30-th or 40-th street; she’d sometimes lean out my window at girls on the street and yell these bird noises, lke “Cee-caww caw caw" but then  shove her head back and  tell me "Oh I thought I knew them— I don’t know them— drive!"  I don’t know what they did with the fennel but I think the fennel was pretty key for the sandwich.  It was late in the day, otherwise I guess I should’ve fucked with their jam more…?  Guess they’re known for their jam.  Never been that into jam, though.  Glancing at the internet I got the least adventurous dish, which is a bummer, but they were about to close and all, so.  I went after taking care of stuff at the DMV, wandering around Runyon Canyon some, and buying some comics at Golden Apple, so I was pretty hungry and in a good mood… Felt like writing this down while the dentist-drugs wear off. My nose still feels weird.  I can’t stop wanting to touch it…

(Source: laimyours.com)

Filed under Why would you NOT live in Los Angeles? Doogie Did This Before the Internet. Photographs of Food.

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Of the seven candidates in the race to be Los Angeles County’s sheriff, former Undersheriff Paul Tanaka has raised the most money so far, according to campaign fundraising records. Tanaka has raised roughly $648,000 so far, records show, almost twice as much as his nearest competitor.

Records show he accepted contributions from several sheriff’s officials who left the department under a cloud, including a captain blamed for problems with jail abuse, a charity director ousted because of her ties with pot dispensaries and a captain who prosecutors said funneled secret information to an alleged Compton drug trafficker. A county commission created after the sheriff’s jail abuse scandal blamed Tanaka, and Baca, for abuse in the county lockups — though Tanaka has minimized the role he played.
The cop who had to resign his job during a FBI probe of his policies has raised nearly three-quarters of a million dollars from other crooked cops to run for the job of Head Cop.  Welcome to Los Angeles!

Filed under Here's to Crime Why would you NOT live in Los Angeles?

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Update:  It turns out I have no idea how many billboards are at the corner of La Cienega and Venice.  I counted five but twitter’s debating that there are between five and seven.  Did I miss TWO entire billboards?  Are there secret billboards, that only true-blue people know about, like with the menu at In-n-Out?  Were the two secret Captain America billboards hidden behind the other five Captain America billboards, like camouflage?  Or did the five billboards daze people and there are PHANTOM Captain America billboards that people are seeing, like an MC Escher-style optical illusion or one of those paintings at the mall, Portrait of a Headache, whatever you call those things?  I mean— I don’t really believe the guy saying he saw seven— seven’s beyond the pale, and I don’t know— he’s just not being specific enough (maybe he’s not even talking about La Cienega and Venice, though— let that blow your mind).  Six makes more sense than five though— five just made it seem like something occult was going on, and the Billboard People probably have people who keep an eye out for that kind of thing to make sure that doesn’t happen, billboard warlocks, or men in black helicopter types, I don’t even know who.  The Six Lobby— this lady went from three billboards to six— they got her to double her billboard count!  The Six Lobby seems to be winning, but… how did I miscount?  Where was the sixth one?  Was it a ghost sixth billboard like in that movie The Sixth Man, where the ghost of Kadeem Hardison taught a basketball player how to live or…?  Probably.  It’s probably exactly like that.  Well I for one am ready to receive the Mystery Captain America Billboard’s secrets.  I’m ready to learn how to live!  (Fart noise)
EDITED TO ADD: oh wait, I figured it out— the other set of footprints on the beach was when the sixth Captain America billboard carried ME… 

Update:  It turns out I have no idea how many billboards are at the corner of La Cienega and Venice.  I counted five but twitter’s debating that there are between five and seven.  Did I miss TWO entire billboards?  Are there secret billboards, that only true-blue people know about, like with the menu at In-n-Out?  Were the two secret Captain America billboards hidden behind the other five Captain America billboards, like camouflage?  Or did the five billboards daze people and there are PHANTOM Captain America billboards that people are seeing, like an MC Escher-style optical illusion or one of those paintings at the mall, Portrait of a Headache, whatever you call those things?  I mean— I don’t really believe the guy saying he saw seven— seven’s beyond the pale, and I don’t know— he’s just not being specific enough (maybe he’s not even talking about La Cienega and Venice, though— let that blow your mind).  Six makes more sense than five though— five just made it seem like something occult was going on, and the Billboard People probably have people who keep an eye out for that kind of thing to make sure that doesn’t happen, billboard warlocks, or men in black helicopter types, I don’t even know who.  The Six Lobby— this lady went from three billboards to six— they got her to double her billboard count!  The Six Lobby seems to be winning, but… how did I miscount?  Where was the sixth one?  Was it a ghost sixth billboard like in that movie The Sixth Man, where the ghost of Kadeem Hardison taught a basketball player how to live or…?  Probably.  It’s probably exactly like that.  Well I for one am ready to receive the Mystery Captain America Billboard’s secrets.  I’m ready to learn how to live!  (Fart noise)

EDITED TO ADD: oh wait, I figured it out— the other set of footprints on the beach was when the sixth Captain America billboard carried ME… 

Filed under Why would you NOT live in Los Angeles? Worst Hobby or Worstest Hobby?

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3800 Days in Los Angeles | Jake Kahana

LA I’m Yours: “[Designer Jake Kahana] moved to Los Angeles on August 13, 2003 and, a little over ten years later, he moved away. To share his favorite moments of living in Los Angeles and to visually scrapbook his time, he created an interesting, fun interactive website called 3800 Days In Los Angeles.  The website is a scrolling flipbook of images that literally drive from Kahana’s first apartment all the way to the airport, telling both his story of being an Angeleno and his favorite things to do while in town. The city for him was a place where he came of age, arriving for school and staying for work and finding himself amidst it all.

Filed under Why would you NOT live in Los Angeles?

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A video has surfaced of two L.A. gang members, claiming they are fighting in Syria—and siding with President Bashar al-Assad. One calls himself “Creeper” from Sur-13 (a.k.a. Surenos), a SoCal gang with ties to the Mexican Mafia, and the other is “Wino” from the Westside Armenian Power gang, according to the Washington Post. They are fighting the “enemigos,” and Creeper adds, “In Middle East, homie, in Syria, still gangbanging, not giving a fuck, homie.”

Creeper gives shout-outs to their buddies back home: Capone-E, Mr. Criminal from Silver Lake, Cyclone from Pasadena, and he doesn’t forget Pink Lady either. However, neither of them really explain why they’re fighting on the side of Assad.
What in the living fuck?  Also:  ”Mr. Criminal from Silver Lake."  Even Silver Lake’s gang-bangers are ironic???  

Filed under Civilization is Doomed. Why would you NOT live in Los Angeles?