Posts tagged I Love You Too Much Internet
Posts tagged I Love You Too Much Internet
Sorry about trigger warnings— I don’t know how that all works: Tumblr’s not answering my e-mails anymore. I don’t know what I should’ve done differently— did I ask too much for the crazy person’s account to be deleted? Maybe that was too much. I always liked that part of Aliens where Ripley’s like “nuke the place from orbit— only way to be sure”, but maybe that’s not an appropriate response to hashtags. i don’t know. Did I overreact to the “I will murder you” hashtags? They just seemed like pretty uncool hashtags. And I don’t really know what Tumblr’s policies are. But gee, I gotta figure “I will rape you to death” has to violate at least one. The top image was a screenshot from today, August 27, 2014.
Correct answer: I should stop caring about anything ever! Lalala, whole world is going to hell. I don’t know— I don’t know who elected me Batman either, but it just seemed like kind of a “see something, say something” type situation.
(P.S. if you guessed that I was reading about video games, you’re 10,000% correct!)
I just figured Tumblr would care more about this kinda thing, considering the kind of people who use the platform at least have the reputation of, you know, being the sort of person I’d imagine frown on rape or murder death kills or what have you. I don’t know. Oh well.
Thought Experiment: Imagine your computer came with a button that when you pushed it, whoever you were reading on the internet at that very moment, a giant bucket of shit would fall on their head, and inside of each piece of shit would be a little bit of anthrax. Now, hypothetically what criteria would you use to— wait, quit slapping your keyboard— this is a hypothetical, it’s not a real button, just a thought experime— are you punching your keyboard?? Why are you punching your keyboard? THE BUTTON’S NOT REAL. IT’S JUST IMAGINARY. You’ve broken your keyboard. Look at you! Look at what we’ve all become!
It is a beautiful dream, though. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve dared to imagine all week.
Dang, so this week there was a lawsuit filed against Tinder by their lady co-founder who got “co-founder” status ripped away from her because the Tinder founder bros thought that having a lady co-founder would make their shitty app company seem “dumb”, a lady videogame critic was driven off twitter for criticizing some shitty website called Giant Bomb (a lot of transmisogynistic stuff there too in case that’s, like, a “trigger warning” or whatever)(I don’t know if I’m using that word right, but), videogame people tried to launch a “men’s only e-sports tournament”, animation ladies had to warn each other about some cartoon show creator groping ladies (and then one lady came forward and seems like she got harassed further?), the female CEO of PepsiCo announced that women can’t have it all (“if you ask our daughters, I’m not sure they will say that I’ve been a good mom”), and now, the day’s ending with me reading about how Opie and/or Anthony from the radio went on some racist Twitter tirade about a lady (who he claims punched him in the head 5 times) being a “savage” and also a bunch of racist stuff and also something about how he wanted to shoot her to death. Is that everything???
Man, it’s a good thing it’s a holiday week! What would’ve happened on the internet Friday if people weren’t going on vacation? I think people who make stuffed animals would’ve been straight-up fisting Girl Scouts, at this rate. MRA Teddy Ruxpin is my worst nightmare because he’d be, like, all angry at battered wives or whatever, but I’d still kinda want to hug that little scamp anyways…? He’d just be too adorable and/or/but also hateful. MRA Teddy Ruxpin would be really trying on a person’s emotions…Edited to add: he Toys with my emotions. Wordplay!
Can someone check that Arielle Duhaime-Ross is, like, okay…? What if Arielle Duhaime-Ross just turned out to be a very scared woman, shivering underneath a bed with a laptop and a tin of canned pears? She fooled us! Other headlines include “Our electronics are getting birds lost at night”, “This facility is mass-producing chicken without antibiotics”, “ Fecal transplants work with frozen feces, too”, “Did lead in gasoline cause a decades-long crime wave?" and a personal favorite "Nearly one-third of morning-after pills in Peru are fake" (!).
Arielle Duhaime-Ross, I am a fan! Also, I am scared and alone and soon there will be knives, only knives.
I just spent the last five minutes trying to fact-check a story famous old-time Hollywood actor Charles Laughton’s pimp told about Laughton eating a sandwich with human feces smeared on it. (Survey says maybe-probably not true…? On the other hand, don’t we all want Charles Laughton Scat-Fetish Tales to be true? … No? We don’t? Oh okay— wasn’t sure— life has so many mysteries to solve!!). Thanks, Buzzfeed! Never going to regret how I spent my life!
It’s just Simon & Simon Versus Some Hillbillies and look at people acting the fool every which way! Weird weird weird! The internet is so weird about this TV show! The internet is so weird about itself! I’m wearing lipstick but not on my lips! HAHAHA! WEE!
Longer version here! I’m not sure who to credit for this /how to credit this, but this is based on a thing I wrote at the end of last year about that Calvin & Hobbes psuedo-comic that went around last year (that I didn’t much like).
Have a bit of Fry & Laurie, friends.
… Wait, what?