Twist Street

Sam Westing, Barney Northrup, Sandy McSouthers, Julian R. Eastman, & Me

Posts tagged I Love You Too Much Internet

34 notes

Sorry about trigger warnings— I don’t know how that all works:  Tumblr’s not answering my e-mails anymore.  I don’t know what I should’ve done differently— did I ask too much for the crazy person’s account to be deleted?  Maybe that was too much.  I always liked that part of Aliens where Ripley’s like “nuke the place from orbit— only way to be sure”, but maybe that’s not an appropriate response to hashtags.  i don’t know. Did I overreact to the “I will murder you” hashtags?  They just seemed like pretty uncool hashtags. And I don’t really know what Tumblr’s policies are.  But gee, I gotta figure “I will rape you to death” has to violate at least one.  The top image was a screenshot from today, August 27, 2014.

Correct answer: I should stop caring about anything ever!  Lalala, whole world is going to hell.  I don’t know— I don’t know who elected me Batman either, but it just seemed like kind of a “see something, say something” type situation.

(P.S. if you guessed that I was reading about video games, you’re 10,000% correct!)

I just figured Tumblr would care more about this kinda thing, considering the kind of people who use the platform at least have the reputation of, you know, being the sort of person I’d imagine frown on rape or murder death kills or what have you.  I don’t know. Oh well.

Filed under tumblr tumblr staff tumblr complaints I Love You Too Much Internet tw rape

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Thought Experiment:  Imagine your computer came with a button that when you pushed it, whoever you were reading on the internet at that very moment, a giant bucket of shit would fall on their head, and inside of each piece of shit would be a little bit of anthrax.  Now, hypothetically what criteria would you use to— wait, quit slapping your keyboard— this is a hypothetical, it’s not a real button, just a thought experime— are you punching your keyboard??  Why are you punching your keyboard? THE BUTTON’S NOT REAL.  IT’S JUST IMAGINARY.  You’ve broken your keyboard.  Look at you!  Look at what we’ve all become!

It is a beautiful dream, though.  It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve dared to imagine all week.

Filed under I Love You Too Much Internet

12 notes

Do you have an oddball expense that’s eating away at your bank account each month? For some people, it might be an expensive hobby; for [Detroit newspaper columnist Brian J. O’Connor], it was his 30-year-old boat. It was costing him several hundred dollars in repairs some months. He saved almost $100 a month by creating a separate annual fund that served as a cushion for boat-related expenses, instead of scrambling to come up with the money whenever something broke.
Advice from a US News and World Report article entitled “Could You Cut Your Spending by $1,000 a Month?"  Step one:  set-up an annual fund for your BOAT REPAIR expenses!  Try to be more financial creative when it comes to your boat ownership.  Imagine the savings!  I’m going to use my boat savings to double down on my true love— playing croquet with faberge eggs. 

Filed under I Love You Too Much Internet

20 notes

Dang, so this week there was a lawsuit filed against Tinder by their lady co-founder who got “co-founder” status ripped away from her because the Tinder founder bros thought that having a lady co-founder would make their shitty app company seem “dumb”, a lady videogame critic was driven off twitter for criticizing some shitty website called Giant Bomb (a lot of transmisogynistic stuff there too in case that’s, like, a “trigger warning” or whatever)(I don’t know if I’m using that word right, but), videogame people tried to launch a “men’s only e-sports tournament”, animation ladies had to warn each other about some cartoon show creator groping ladies (and then one lady came forward and seems like she got harassed further?), the female CEO of PepsiCo announced that women can’t have it all (“if you ask our daughters, I’m not sure they will say that I’ve been a good mom”), and now, the day’s ending with me reading about how Opie and/or Anthony from the radio went on some racist Twitter tirade about a lady (who he claims punched him in the head 5 times) being a “savage” and also a bunch of racist stuff and also something about how he wanted to shoot her to death. Is that everything???

Man, it’s a good thing it’s a holiday week! What would’ve happened on the internet Friday if people weren’t going on vacation? I think people who make stuffed animals would’ve been straight-up fisting Girl Scouts, at this rate. MRA Teddy Ruxpin is my worst nightmare because he’d be, like, all angry at battered wives or whatever, but I’d still kinda want to hug that little scamp anyways…? He’d just be too adorable and/or/but also hateful. MRA Teddy Ruxpin would be really trying on a person’s emotions…

Edited to add: he Toys with my emotions. Wordplay!

Filed under I Love You Too Much Internet

16 notes

Can someone check that Arielle Duhaime-Ross is, like, okay…?  What if Arielle Duhaime-Ross just turned out to be a very scared woman, shivering underneath a bed with a laptop and a tin of canned pears?  She fooled us!  Other headlines include “Our electronics are getting birds lost at night”, “This facility is mass-producing chicken without antibiotics”, “ Fecal transplants work with frozen feces, too”, “Did lead in gasoline cause a decades-long crime wave?" and a personal favorite "Nearly one-third of morning-after pills in Peru are fake" (!).  

Arielle Duhaime-Ross, I am a fan! Also, I am scared and alone and soon there will be knives, only knives.

Filed under Civilization is Doomed. I Love You Too Much Internet

7 notes

If you’re going to put a stop to something that has taken months to prepare and probably even longer to agree to, what you have to say needs to be incredibly compelling. Writing out a speech, rehearsing it, and learning it by heart are absolute necessities to overcome nerves and to project it from the heart.

Build an effective case.
Keep it brief but powerful.
Give reasons why the person you love is marrying the wrong person.
And why it should be you instead.
Express your undying devotion to the bride or groom.
Solid advice from the Wiki-How for “How to Stop a Wedding."  

Filed under lifehack I Love You Too Much Internet

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I just spent the last five minutes trying to fact-check a story famous old-time Hollywood actor Charles Laughton’s pimp told about Laughton eating a sandwich with human feces smeared on it.  (Survey says maybe-probably not true…?  On the other hand, don’t we all want Charles Laughton Scat-Fetish Tales to be true?  … No?  We don’t?  Oh okay— wasn’t sure— life has so many mysteries to solve!!). Thanks, Buzzfeed!  Never going to regret how I spent my life!

I just spent the last five minutes trying to fact-check a story famous old-time Hollywood actor Charles Laughton’s pimp told about Laughton eating a sandwich with human feces smeared on it.  (Survey says maybe-probably not true…?  On the other hand, don’t we all want Charles Laughton Scat-Fetish Tales to be true?  … No?  We don’t?  Oh okay— wasn’t sure— life has so many mysteries to solve!!). Thanks, Buzzfeed!  Never going to regret how I spent my life!

Filed under I Love You Too Much Internet

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I found out that my husband of less than a year was cheating on me - though I found this out face to face, not via phone or computer. I was obviously gutted. I decided to try and work things out with him (not a genius plan, surprise) and a few days after I found out, he went out one night and left his laptop with his work email up. After deliberating for an hour or more, I finally searched her name in his email.

It was really bad. It had been going on for almost 6 months. He was the instigator. There were emails and calendar events. Dates when he borrowed my car, dates when he was out of town for work, dates when I was hanging out with friends. Sadly, my grandfather passed away on my birthday a few months before I found out about this. My family is very close and offered to fly us both back to the memorial. He told me he couldn’t go because of work. I discovered through the emails that he lied about having to work and used the days I was out of town to plan a weekend with her. Yeah.

There were dozens of stories like this, though that was the most painful. It was like the end of The Sixth Sense. It was very hard to see, but I honestly needed to see it.
Man, Aziz Ansari’s Modern Dating/relationships questionnaire— if I didn’t have things to do at work, this would be my entire day.  I would make popcorn.  It’d be just like the end of the Sixth Sense— at the end, it’d turn out I was a ghost the entire time.  (?)

Filed under I Love You Too Much Internet

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2,060,795 Plays
Hieronymus Bosch
The Music Written on This Dude's Butt


Luke and I were looking at Hieronymus Bosch’s painting The Garden of Earthly Delights and discovered, much to our amusement, music written upon the posterior of one of the many tortured denizens of the rightmost panel of the painting which is intended to represent Hell. I decided to transcribe it into modern notation, assuming the second line of the staff is C, as is common for chants of this era.

so yes this is LITERALLY the 600-years-old butt song from hell

EDIT: I still can’t believe this took off like it did this is crazy??? Just wanted to let people know that there are indeed errors in the transcription and this is indeed not a very good recording (I threw this together in like 30 minutes at 1 in the morning,) but I’m working with the music department at my college to get the transcription more accurate!

in the meantime enjoy this fantastic choral arrangement by wellmanicuredman i’m in love

Filed under Songs. I Love You Too Much Internet