Twist Street

Sam Westing, Barney Northrup, Sandy McSouthers, Julian R. Eastman, & Me

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Captain America the First Avenger, Episode Two, Coming Soon to TNT (“Characters Matter”)(2014):  ehhhh, underwhelming.  Some good stuff: Pat Healy cameo, really nice action scene on a highway overpass (I thought that sequence worked), Batroc the Leaper, Anthony Mackie’s great, Captain America beats up a plane pretty good, and it made for a nice excuse to see friends.  Besides that, pretty tedious. Filmed blandly. Par for the course for these movies, but. Boring talking scenes with no score that run on too long— a LOT of those.  A lot of story points that just don’t add up to any kind of whole— the winter soldier, in particular, what was the point?  It’s just fan-service; it never felt organic to the story for me. It wouldn’t have taken much to make it feel organic— guy obsessed with his past has to destroy his last connection to his past to move forward…?  There’s a story there … just not the one the movie bothered to tell.  I just don’t think they pulled it off. “Now here’s a guy with metal jetpack wings" — WHY?  "Oh because blah blah blah NERD REASONS."  There’s nothing organic to that.  These Marvel movies are never completely unwatchable but they’re never real movies.  They never just stand on their own terms… I just feel a sadness coming out of all of them, that this is how little the audience accepts anymore…
Plus, any kind of story that’s being told gets all shot to shit by Scarlet Johanensen at the end— the whole movie is about, “Oh, maybe a paramilitary spy agency like SHIELD is inconsistent with the idea of freedom”.  But then at the end, if I understood what she was saying (???? god only knows; she’s a terrible actress and the script was no good), ScarJo’s like “Nope— extralegal spies are necessary evils that will remain active and oblivious to Congressional oversight IE any vestige of democracy. Haha the fascist surveillance state wins." And then it’s her walking out of a room grinning in slow-mo, and that’s the ending! Fanboy politics are always so fascist….  
They’re doing my favorite era of Cap stories in the movie— those issues where they introduce the Falcon are some of my all-time favorite Marvel shit; I was happy to see Gene Colan get a thank you.  I didn’t hate the movie— it was mostly just… just BLAND.  Afterwards, I mentioned to the people I was with that, like, “I don’t think I understood half the dialogue.”  There’s a scene early on with Sam Jackson that I think— here’s how I think it went verbatim: “You like secrets too much.” “Too much is never enough.”  ”Enough is enough.”  ”The last time I said that I had to eat a pie.”  ”When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore.”  ”The last time I ate pizza, I lost an eye."  There’s no substance to the movie so all the conversations are just pablum…Scarlet Johansen’s dialogue sounded like porn out-takes at one point… 
Chris Evans— ehh.  His body’s just weird.  I was just weirded out by that dude’s shoulders…?  He’s just weird looking (i said, stroking my neck fat)… I started whisper-yelling stuff during the movie when Redford started babbling about “Pakistan invading India” or some nonsense… Marvel Comics screenwriters trying to pretend they’re smart… I don’t know I’m just sick of this fanboy shit where … Like, "Iron Man 3’s like a Shane Black movie."  No, it’s just set at Christmas.  "Captain America 2’s like Three Days of the Condor. It’s a political thriller"  No, it’s just got Redford in it— that’s it; an examination of the politics of the fakey-fake-fake-fake Marvel Universe don’t make a movie a fucking political thriller.  I don’t know.  This fucking country used to be able to make a Die Hard or a Lethal Weapon.  Or if you like Redford, we made Sneakers (SNEAKERS!!!).  We used to be a country!  We used to build things.  

Captain America the First Avenger, Episode Two, Coming Soon to TNT (“Characters Matter”)(2014):  ehhhh, underwhelming.  Some good stuff: Pat Healy cameo, really nice action scene on a highway overpass (I thought that sequence worked), Batroc the Leaper, Anthony Mackie’s great, Captain America beats up a plane pretty good, and it made for a nice excuse to see friends.  Besides that, pretty tedious. Filmed blandly. Par for the course for these movies, but. Boring talking scenes with no score that run on too long— a LOT of those.  A lot of story points that just don’t add up to any kind of whole— the winter soldier, in particular, what was the point?  It’s just fan-service; it never felt organic to the story for me. It wouldn’t have taken much to make it feel organic— guy obsessed with his past has to destroy his last connection to his past to move forward…?  There’s a story there … just not the one the movie bothered to tell.  I just don’t think they pulled it off. “Now here’s a guy with metal jetpack wings" — WHY?  "Oh because blah blah blah NERD REASONS."  There’s nothing organic to that.  These Marvel movies are never completely unwatchable but they’re never real movies.  They never just stand on their own terms… I just feel a sadness coming out of all of them, that this is how little the audience accepts anymore…

Plus, any kind of story that’s being told gets all shot to shit by Scarlet Johanensen at the end— the whole movie is about, “Oh, maybe a paramilitary spy agency like SHIELD is inconsistent with the idea of freedom”.  But then at the end, if I understood what she was saying (???? god only knows; she’s a terrible actress and the script was no good), ScarJo’s like “Nope— extralegal spies are necessary evils that will remain active and oblivious to Congressional oversight IE any vestige of democracy. Haha the fascist surveillance state wins." And then it’s her walking out of a room grinning in slow-mo, and that’s the ending! Fanboy politics are always so fascist….  

They’re doing my favorite era of Cap stories in the movie— those issues where they introduce the Falcon are some of my all-time favorite Marvel shit; I was happy to see Gene Colan get a thank you.  I didn’t hate the movie— it was mostly just… just BLAND.  Afterwards, I mentioned to the people I was with that, like, “I don’t think I understood half the dialogue.”  There’s a scene early on with Sam Jackson that I think— here’s how I think it went verbatim: “You like secrets too much.” “Too much is never enough.”  ”Enough is enough.”  ”The last time I said that I had to eat a pie.”  ”When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore.”  ”The last time I ate pizza, I lost an eye."  There’s no substance to the movie so all the conversations are just pablum…Scarlet Johansen’s dialogue sounded like porn out-takes at one point…

Chris Evans— ehh.  His body’s just weird.  I was just weirded out by that dude’s shoulders…?  He’s just weird looking (i said, stroking my neck fat)… I started whisper-yelling stuff during the movie when Redford started babbling about “Pakistan invading India” or some nonsense… Marvel Comics screenwriters trying to pretend they’re smart… I don’t know I’m just sick of this fanboy shit where … Like, "Iron Man 3’s like a Shane Black movie."  No, it’s just set at Christmas.  "Captain America 2’s like Three Days of the Condor. It’s a political thriller"  No, it’s just got Redford in it— that’s it; an examination of the politics of the fakey-fake-fake-fake Marvel Universe don’t make a movie a fucking political thriller.  I don’t know.  This fucking country used to be able to make a Die Hard or a Lethal Weapon.  Or if you like Redford, we made Sneakers (SNEAKERS!!!).  We used to be a country!  We used to build things.  

Filed under Movies I Saw in 2014

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