Twist Street

Sam Westing, Barney Northrup, Sandy McSouthers, Julian R. Eastman, & Me

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Iron Man 3 (2013) blew for me.  Not completely— there’s a half hour in the middle where Iron Man straight up leaves the rest of the movie and goes into a different, better movie— that whole part’s pretty good, so (a) it was a bummer when it stopped, and (b) it got my hopes up before the cut-scene of an ending came and wouldn’t go away.  A couple action scenes have Shane Black moves on the edges, if you can see around the special effects.  A scene here; a moment there. Not enough.
For the most part, boring, boring, boring— this movie was just super boring. I was so bored!  The most entertained I ever was, was before the movie started, during the trailer for the next Fast & Furious movie. (That trailer— it seemed like someone went “Hey, what’s a bunch of RIDICULOUS shit we can throw in a movie” rather than like, “here’s how to put a bunch of CGI into a fucking shipyard”)(they put CGI into a shipyard already in the stupid A-Team movie!  they did that already).  It wasn’t as bad as the second one but neither is getting rammed in the balls by a football helmet, so who fucking cares.  
The bad guys especially— their Evil Plan was lost on me, so I felt like the stakes were really fuzzy the whole time and I never felt like there was any urgency to the story at all… I just found all of the Bad Guys’ moves to be completely inexplicable rather than story-driven or character-driven…
Downey Jr.— whatever made seeing him in the first one so fun went away for me half-way through Due Date.  Gwyneth Paltrow’s stomach is all Goop’d and weird-looking; I just don’t like her.  Don Cheadle plays Wasted Don Cheadle again, for the umpteenth time.  Jon Favreau has eaten a lot of food.  ”She didn’t leave an impression,” said Rebecca Hall’s mom.  Guy Pearce— well, I just like Guy Pearce in stuff.  Ben Kingsley was great in Without a Clue.
I don’t know— I’m as big a Shane Black fan as there is, but you could tell he was just one voice in a room full of people.  Fucking boring Marvel people. The thing I like about Black’s movies is how he can have his endings work not only because the action has resolved itself but because his screwed-up main characters have transcended their limitations, their neuroses, their fucked-up pasts— Joe Hallenbeck dancing a jig, right?  They tried to have that here by giving Iron Man anxiety orlame-ass panic-attacks to overcome, but it never went further than surface-deep so … So I felt like the thing I like most about his work was missing and/or flawed…?

Iron Man 3 (2013) blew for me.  Not completely— there’s a half hour in the middle where Iron Man straight up leaves the rest of the movie and goes into a different, better movie— that whole part’s pretty good, so (a) it was a bummer when it stopped, and (b) it got my hopes up before the cut-scene of an ending came and wouldn’t go away.  A couple action scenes have Shane Black moves on the edges, if you can see around the special effects.  A scene here; a moment there. Not enough.

For the most part, boring, boring, boring— this movie was just super boring. I was so bored!  The most entertained I ever was, was before the movie started, during the trailer for the next Fast & Furious movie. (That trailer— it seemed like someone went “Hey, what’s a bunch of RIDICULOUS shit we can throw in a movie” rather than like, “here’s how to put a bunch of CGI into a fucking shipyard”)(they put CGI into a shipyard already in the stupid A-Team movie!  they did that already).  It wasn’t as bad as the second one but neither is getting rammed in the balls by a football helmet, so who fucking cares.  

The bad guys especially— their Evil Plan was lost on me, so I felt like the stakes were really fuzzy the whole time and I never felt like there was any urgency to the story at all… I just found all of the Bad Guys’ moves to be completely inexplicable rather than story-driven or character-driven…

Downey Jr.— whatever made seeing him in the first one so fun went away for me half-way through Due Date.  Gwyneth Paltrow’s stomach is all Goop’d and weird-looking; I just don’t like her.  Don Cheadle plays Wasted Don Cheadle again, for the umpteenth time.  Jon Favreau has eaten a lot of food.  ”She didn’t leave an impression,” said Rebecca Hall’s mom.  Guy Pearce— well, I just like Guy Pearce in stuff.  Ben Kingsley was great in Without a Clue.

I don’t know— I’m as big a Shane Black fan as there is, but you could tell he was just one voice in a room full of people.  Fucking boring Marvel people. The thing I like about Black’s movies is how he can have his endings work not only because the action has resolved itself but because his screwed-up main characters have transcended their limitations, their neuroses, their fucked-up pasts— Joe Hallenbeck dancing a jig, right?  They tried to have that here by giving Iron Man anxiety orlame-ass panic-attacks to overcome, but it never went further than surface-deep so … So I felt like the thing I like most about his work was missing and/or flawed…?

Filed under movies I saw in 2013

  1. raypayola reblogged this from twiststreet and added:
    abhay being right as usual
  2. apkr reblogged this from twiststreet and added:
    ”She didn’t leave an impression,” said Rebecca Hall’s mom.
  3. twiststreet posted this