I think I Figured out a way Romney can still win this: The latest poll numbers aren’t great for Romney, but I’m thinking… what he should do, what I would do if I were him? I’D FIND BIN LADEN. Right? How pissed at Obama would people be if Romney got on TV tomorrow and was like, “Dude, I just saw Bin Laden, at Shakey’s. I thought he was supposed to be dead. What the fuck, NO-bama?”
Okay, sure, Bin Laden’s dead, according to people, which makes finding him alive technically harder— but I don’t know, couldn’t Romney just hire some look-alike to go hang out at some malls and scare people? There are actors who need work in LA. Or maybe … maybe he could just make a new Bin Laden tape. Which … you could probably do Bin Laden all CGI, in After Effects or Blender or whatever they do, the Hollywood wiz-kids, and leak the tape through Al Qaeda. George Bush Sr. or James Baker or one of those old-school spook guys probably still have some connects with Al Qaeda— James Baker probably knows a guy who knows a guy. And Al Qaeda would probably love to have a new Bin Laden tape out. If I were some death-to-America kid and Bin Laden came back to life, I’d sign up for Al Qaeda lickety-split. It’s a win-win synergy.
Or Hollywood make-up guys + Jon Voight can’t = Bin Laden? Those Benjamin Button guys could probably totally Bin Laden a Jon Voight or a Kelsey Grammar. Look, I’m more of the Idea Man here— the Republicans can hire whiz-kids to figure out the details. I don’t really know anything about politics or world events or people or french kissing, but I just think if Bin Laden came back to life, like the Joker, a lot of people would consider voting Romney. Yeah, that’s totally what I’d do, if I were him.