Twist Street

Sam Westing, Barney Northrup, Sandy McSouthers, Julian R. Eastman, & Me

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I think I Figured out a way Romney can still win this:  The latest poll numbers aren’t great for Romney, but I’m thinking… what he should do, what I would do if I were him?  I’D FIND BIN LADEN.  Right?  How pissed at Obama would people be if Romney got on TV tomorrow and was like, “Dude, I just saw Bin Laden, at Shakey’s.  I thought he was supposed to be dead.  What the fuck, NO-bama?

Okay, sure, Bin Laden’s dead, according to people, which makes finding him alive technically harder— but I don’t know, couldn’t Romney just hire some look-alike to go hang out at some malls and scare people? There are actors who need work in LA.  Or maybe … maybe he could just make a new Bin Laden tape.  Which … you could probably do Bin Laden all CGI, in After Effects or Blender or whatever they do, the Hollywood wiz-kids, and leak the tape through Al Qaeda.  George Bush Sr. or James Baker or one of those old-school spook guys probably still have some connects with Al Qaeda— James Baker probably knows a guy who knows a guy.  And Al Qaeda would probably love to have a new Bin Laden tape out. If I were some death-to-America kid and Bin Laden came back to life, I’d sign up for Al Qaeda lickety-split.  It’s a win-win synergy.  

Or Hollywood make-up guys + Jon Voight can’t = Bin Laden?  Those Benjamin Button guys could probably totally Bin Laden a Jon Voight or a Kelsey Grammar.  Look, I’m more of the Idea Man here— the Republicans can hire whiz-kids to figure out the details.  I don’t really know anything about politics or world events or people or french kissing, but I just think if Bin Laden came back to life, like the Joker, a lot of people would consider voting Romney.  Yeah, that’s totally what I’d do, if I were him.

Filed under I am Pointless! I've got Election Fever... oh wait no that's just herpes.

  1. twiststreet posted this