Every other night lately with the earthquakes. I’ve lived out here long enough that I should be more used to them— years and years I’ve been here, but it just feels like there’ve been a bunch lately late at night. Or at least, there was that one the other night at 3 or 4 in the morning— that one woke me up. That one just now was a 3.4 over in Beverly Hills, according to Quakebot. (I imagine Quakebot looks like Gyspy from MST3K). I’d just turned off my lights and was debating getting up to turn up the air conditioning anyways, so it’s for the best but….
I mean, yeah, I’m no hero so I’d say I’m a little weirded out by the idea of being in a real crazy, Universal-Studios-tour John Holmes Earthquake. But I’d say I’m way more weirded by the idea of being about to fall asleep and someone licking my foot. I think about that, sometimes, when my brain’s not letting me fall asleep, and it does not go well. Imagine trying to fall asleep in an empty place and your foot gets licked— yikes. YIKES. There’s no good way that story could possibly end, not if you don’t own any kind of pet there’s not. I’d put the foot licking #1 on my list of things I hope don’t happen in my place, and a bad earthquake like… #5 or #6 because I got at least another 4 or 5 things like the foot thing I don’t even want to get into. It’s all enough to make me hide under my bed but (a) that’s not going to stop an earthquake, and (b) me looking under my bed and there being an old woman there staring back at me is solidly at #3, definitely #3. No earthquake strong enough to shake that from #3. Except the next one which probably totes will be you guys oh shit oh shit.