A long line snaked out the door of the Florida Aquarium on Monday night, where women dressed as mermaids swam in a shark tank and midriff-baring cheerleaders for the National Football League’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers posed for pictures with congressional staffers. Partygoers walked through a curtain of mist that displayed the logos of sponsors like the Distilled Spirits Council of the United States and the National Association of Realtors. The big money is keeping a lower profile.
I don’t really care about politics much anymore— I just want to hear more about Republicans partying with Booze Mermaids. What are those conversations like? … Okay, I was just sitting here wondering about it, and typed “mermaid fetish” into the ol’ google-hole— the SECOND result was a story with the headline “Montana GOP Hopeful Might have Mermaid Fetish”. That was #2 after the Urban Dictionary. “Gubernatorial hopeful” Rick Hill cheated on his wife/baby-mama with a barmaid at the Sip & Dip where “waitresses take turns slipping into bikinis and mermaid tails and jumping into a tank behind the bar, swimming around and blowing kisses to the patrons… Hill’s first wife once put her three children in the car and drove to the Sip and Dip, where Hill was hanging out with the barmaid. They asked daddy to come home, but he told them to scram.” … You guys: what is the deal with Republicans and BOOZE MERMAIDS??? I didn’t even know this was a thing with them before… This must be what Dian Fossey felt like, all the time. (Also, best part of that story: Hill once ran against a guy named Bill Yellowtail. What an aquatically erotic election that must have been for him.)