Say what you will about Fox Business host Stu Varney. Like that he’s a dime-a-dozen fear-monger. But I like to focus on the little ways he tries to keep it hip and happening. Dyeing your hair when the rest of your skull died four years ago? Most of the living dead give up on being Players Club presidents a half-hour to an hour after rigor morits sets in, but Stu Varney’s got all the fly widows fooled that he’s a brunette. Dowagers at seniors homes, waving fans in their faces, because he’s got them wondering whether the “carpet matches the drapes”— I know the game Varney’s playing; I’ve got eyes; I feel things because I’m a human being.
Or being a guest panelist for a business news show called Cashin’ In— you’re not one of those stuffed shirts that end words with the letter g; you use apostrophes. Just like rappers do. Just like Jay-Z, in a Ferrari, Jaguar, switching four lanes… the DMV should probably not allow you to drive. Please switch fewer lanes, Stu Varney. Your eyes aren’t what they used to be.
I like this photo because you really imagine what it sounds like when that guy’s breathing when you look at it. I hear the wheezy-penguin toy from the Toy Story movies.