I’m not saying i’m a marketing genius by any means— I don’t know anything about gorilla marketing, or branding, or branding gorillas, but 1) are people really still making major purchasing decisions based on lamp poles? Is that where people go to find out about exciting new bands or comedy shows? What is going on with the lamp pole people? But assuming that population exists… are they shopping for IT services? Or maybe 2) are there people who own computers who just prefer the warm vinyl hiss of pole-marketing to, I don’t know, Craigslist? “It’s more artisanal,” said a guy who owns a snake or a ferret or something…? Asking for a friend.
We’re not afraid of the burglars," [Rep. George] Miller said, "because we’ve been burgled twice and they took nothing."
The living room, virtually the only room on the first floor of the house, also serves as [Senator Chuck] Schumer’s bedroom. But “bedroom” is a generous term. He sleeps on a mattress next to the kitchen. He half-made his bed for our visit, which [Sen. Dick] Durbin said was a lot more effort than Schumer usually makes.
[…]The freezer doesn’t work. The refrigerator is a sight to behold, but exactly what you would imagine based on the rest of the house: beer cans and old food, including a baguette so hard that Schumer grabbed it and demonstrated how you can use it as a weapon.
CNN’s description of the Washington DC home shared by Rep. George Miller, and Senators Chuck Schumer and Dick Durbin. There’s video— he sleeps under a cardboard cutout of Barack Obama…(?).
Larry David had problems picking up women, I think. He knows the exact setup, but the only way he had the nerve and maybe try to meet a woman was sing out this song: ‘My name is O’Banion, and I want a companion!’ So I heard that and whether you think it’s funny or not, just to think of that is enough. The guy’s got a gold mine.
Stand against snark, and you are standing with everything decent. And who doesn’t want to be decent? The snarkers don’t, it seems. Or at least they (let’s be honest: we) don’t want to be decent on those terms.
What is this defining feature of our times? What is snark reacting to?
It is reacting to smarm.
This Gawker essay “On Smarm" (c/o)… I want to quote, like, everything. This bit: “Smarm offers a quick schema of superiority. The authority that smarm invokes is an ersatz one, but the appearance of authority is usually enough to get by with. Without that protection, to hold an opinion is to feel bare and alone, one voice among a cacophony of millions.” Or this bit— “Sympathy begets sympathy, to the benefit of things that don’t deserve to be sympathized with”-!!! ”Snark may speak in cynical terms about a cynical world, but it is not cynicism itself. It is a theory of cynicism. The practice of cynicism is smarm.”
It’s got a nice long side-swipe of that Dave Eggers “Be nice to me because I’m faymouuuuus" quote too (which if you like when you’re in your 30’s and should be starting to know anything about the world… well, god help your little, little mind).
So yeah, I quite, quite enjoyed this one. It even attacks someone with Down Syndrome’s political beliefs! Hell yeah, let’s do that more! Let’s just burn this whole thing down, Pookie! Fired up! Quick— get thee to a Youtube comment section!
She would come drugged up to set. Would walk around naked (not that that’s a bad thing), she would shave her pu**y in front of crew, she had her period one time and asked the AD (assistant director) for a tissue for her “pu**y” and then she left said bloody tissue on set and in the bathroom. This one time she made a PA go into the bathroom with her and made the girl PA hold her hand while she took a sh*t.
They keep making the same stupid generic movie over and over again. I’ve seen this trailer beat for beat 10,000 times now but for other movies— it’s the same exact movie over and over and over and over! They just keep charging people for the same movie. What are people getting out of that??? Like, at least when I was a kid, sometimes Stallone would be punching people because he was boxing, or because he was winning Vietnam, or because he was the cure to the disease that is crime, or because otherwise his mother would shoot them, or because he was a maniac sent to catch a maniac, or oh my god so many different reasons. We had variety and its name was Sylvester Stallone!
"Every day, I wake up knowing" — that’s the fucking first line in every trailer now! Everybody wakes up knowing things— because we’re not fucking canaries! Why not just have Spiderman date a vampire? Just do that already, make all the money, and let people get on with their stupid lives. Also, the part where Spiderman’s saying “there are villains!” and it goes DUHMM DU-DU-DUHM, and then the sound of a metal box closing. I don’t care that a metal box is being closed! Who is Walter Murch still impressing with his stupid metal box???
And worst of all, Emma Stone, given NOTHING to do! She made Easy A, you heathens. Easy A!
I hate those bike lanes. ’Cause I work in midtown, and not one day goes by that someone on a bike doesn’t curse at me. Hey, bike people, what are you so angry about? Nobody made you ride a bike! Also, where are you going in such a hurry, that you’re going there on a bike? If you’re an emergency heart surgeon going to an emergency on your bike, don’t curse at me. Just yell, like, ‘Heart surgeon!’ and I’ll move.
Bike people are always so surprised and mad that you don’t hear them coming. They don’t understand that their bike is silent, and you can’t hear it over the noise of Times Square. ’Cause let me tell you something. If I’m crossing 50th and Broadway, this is what I’m watching out for, in this order: cars; killers; people in Elmo costumes who can’t see; those gangs of teenagers who are punching people in the back of the head; FreshDirect guys; rat babies; then bikes. Then bikes.
Bike people are so judge-y and angry. You’re not more green than me—I’m walking! If I walk, and I’m wearing 10-year-old sneakers, and I hold in my flatulence, I’m, like, off the grid! I’m like my own ecosystem.