June 2011
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“You say that on the internet because if you said that to me in real life, I...”
– One of my favorite things that gets said way more than is true or makes sense. Set aside the fact that the people saying it are invariably massive pussies, and just think about it for even a second. You would punch someone in the face for saying some words to you…? What? What kind of roid...
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I have a hard time reconciling this story:
The Transportation Security Administration stood by its security officers Sunday after a Florida woman complained that her cancer-stricken, 95-year-old mother was patted down and forced to remove her adult diaper while going through security.
And this story:
The Transportation Safety Administration, whose job it is to consider fully such matters,...
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Watchfunnyordie:
Jon Benjamin Does NOT Work at Staples
Can’t a guy wear his Staples shirt in peace at a Staples store without people assuming he works at Staples? Sheesh.
Be sure to watch Jon Benjamin Has A Van tonight at 10:30 on Comedy Central!
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“It’s like the whole movie is on amphetamines. Dark of the Moon is high-speed...”
– From a review of Transformers 3. “High-speed orgies of random bloodless ultraviolence” makes it sound so, so wonderful, so much better than what the movie will probably deliver, but the quote’s actually from a negative review, somehow! I love reading movie reviews when new Michael...
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“If they do make a gender-reversed Porky’s, all the male characters should...”
– Molly Lambert, writing about Bad Teacher and Bridesmaids.
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“Florence Henderson, the actress who played perky mom Carol Brady in the beloved...”
– From an article entitled “Brady Bunch actress: Ex-NYC mayor Lindsay gave me crabs.” It’s not just that she wrote this horrible thing into her autobiography and how fucking weird that is— this is plainly how they’re PROMOTING the book. Stories about books, they...
Signs Your Man May Be Cheating
tessastrain:
While you’re getting hot and heavy in the bedroom, he accidentally calls out the name of a horse racing tip.
When you try to talk to him about the future of your relationship, a bunch of aces fall out of his sleeve.
You notice text messages on his phone that appear to be answers to next week’s chemistry test.
He seems distant and defensive when you question him about the extra...
On all there is to say.
dearcoketalk:
I got knocked up when I was 16 (yes, my bad, but fuck it shit happens)(and don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter more than anything) and was with the dad for about a year before he vanished for a week, due to a large amount of drugs, alcohol, and another lady friend. He has stayed with her and now they are engaged. I have a boyfriend that I am content with. I’ve never stopped...
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Unpleasant and Weird Pet Peeve #453,359
People who buy the book after the movie comes out.
Since I was a kid, that would just drive me nuts. Angry little kid, all getting angry about people buying the book The Firm after the movie The Firm came out, or buying Get Shorty after the movie Get Shorty came out. Even as a little kid, I was like this. Just this little asshole, judging people for the books they bought.
And it just...
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“Sunday night shows have a built-in competitive advantage because the best HBO...”
– Grantland’s version of the critical meltdown going on over the season finale of The Killing. I didn’t watch the show but I’m just amused by how over-the-top all the reactions are to the finale. It’s a drama show on AMC— how bad could it possibly have been? Apparently...
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“This hour was, in my opinion, the worst season finale of all time, because it...”
– I didn’t watch THE KILLING after the first episode, but Maureen Ryan is angrily ranting near-incoherently at length about the season finale episode. It just goes on and on and on and on. At one point she refers to her Irish temper and describes the experience as “like being hit in the...
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“There’s a lot that happens with collaboration in movies and TV that is...”
– Louis C.K. I was trying to write all weekend about that idea but I couldn’t find the words, couldn’t get it down as well as “perfect looks the same as other perfect”…
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Wikipedia Descriptions of Episodes of the...
Blossom sneaks off to a make-out party.
When she gets tricked to go to the homecoming dance with a school geek, Blossom blames herself. Joey wants to get his driver’s license (guest appearance by ALF).
Blossom doesn’t know if she wants Jimmy to go to second base.
Nick finds a marijuana cigarette in the house.
When Nick brings home a new love interest, everyone has bizarre...
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Away from LA, a Computer, a Working phone, and a...
Everytime I glance at a television screen, if I go into a bar or restaurant, there’s video footage playing of CANADA ON FIRE. No idea what’s happening— did Alan Thicke die? Did they raise the price on Lablatts Blue? There’s something a little worrisome maybe how if you disconnect from mass media for a couple hours and then look at it from afar, our entire way of life...
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Ferris Bueller's Last Day Off →
steveagee:
atencio:
The first two and a half minutes of this are flawless.
pretty awesome
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I keep buying books— which is a humblebrag, but … I’m actually thinking it might end up being a problem. I have an apartment slowly filling with unread books, like world’s most pompous hoarder. It’s gotten so I avoid bookstores. And I happen to really, really like bookstores— bookstores are happy places for me. But lately, I can’t walk into a bookstore...
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“I went to high school outside of Philadelphia and it was decided that we would...”
– One of Jezebel’s “10 Worst Prom Stories.”
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Sunday morning.
braidsbraided:
‘Birthday’...
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