I used to play it off as being a hopeless romantic. I am actually calculating, manipulative, and emotionally stunted. I use my charisma to get what I want. How do I tell the girl I’m seeing that I’m basically Patrick Bateman?
You’re not Patrick Bateman. Patrick Bateman wasn’t even Patrick Bateman. You’re just a garden variety asshole, and trust me, you don’t need to run off and tell the girl you’re seeing. She already knows.
What you should do instead is take this minor revelation and use it to change your behavior. You don’t have to remain emotionally stunted. You can stop being manipulative. You can bury your charisma in the dirt where it belongs, because up to now all you’ve been doing is embarrassing yourself.
10. ‘The Great Gatsby’/‘The Wolf of Wall Street’/‘The Bling Ring’/‘Spring Breakers’/‘Pain and Gain’/‘American Hustle’ Six variations on the big theme of our times: “Just look at all my stuff!” It’s capitalism, baby! Grab what (and who) you can, and do whatever feels good. We’re all going to hell (or jail, or Florida) anyway.
From AO Scott’s Movies of the Year article. I guess it’s been a pretty weirdly consistent year for movies, thematically.
Tom Cruise is going to be a robotman who fights aliens because girls…? I guess. Cruise is so old that he remembers when they made real movies— guy was in Rain Man, and now he’s like waving his robot arms at a tennis ball in front of a green screen. I’d wonder what goes through his head, but that guy— I don’t think any of us are guessing what goes through his head anytime soon. Are people going to make Scientology jokes about this? I’m no big fan but I don’t know— the way crazy people pick on Tom Cruise like they’re not crazy… Let the Scientologist be a robotman, I says! I’m just really tolerant. Towards robotmen. I wasn’t really into Oblivion (except for that guy’s sky-house, and the lady in that movie being pretty) so Oblivion 2: Still Oblivious isn’t super-enticing. But Tom Cruise and Channing Tatum both being Sky Captain’s of the World of Tomorrow next summer… that’s kind of weird. Are people on the geeky parts of the internet going to be, like, “this is important because it is original and therefore important because I have original ideas I’m trying to sell to Hollywood, too?” Can we start making fun of them now?
The original title was the much better All You Need is Kill— I don’t know how you change a title like that…Annnnnnnd lunch break babbling is over!
I remember I saw I Am Legend during the writer’s strike, and I had a panic attack and I had to go lie down in the public bathroom because it was a combination of out of work, too much time, movie in the middle of the day and then spoiler alert, Will Smith has to kill his dog and I was like, ‘Oh f—!’ And then I laid down in a New York movie theater bathroom and an old lady came in and she said, ‘Are you okay?’ And I said, ‘Oh, god! I Am Legend!’
Weird sex in comics, awesome (see: Abby humping some grass in Swamp Thing). Then there’s true blue seediness like Faust. There’s no winking or nudging; it’s cranked up smut (oh, god, I guess even those Verotik comics rate). But it’s this “having your cake and eating it, too” scenario that’s so weird to me. Elementals Sex Special: let’s take something that already carries low-mid level titillation (superhero comics) and take it up a notch - but not too much! - and only for this one very special issue. Maybe two. Okay, seven.
C’mon, take it all the way and be porn or keep it suggestive-like, Vampirella style, but this gray area fuckin’ stinks. All I’m saying is nipple shots and plot points don’t mix. It’s like a Skinemax movie but with bad drawings except not bad enough to make it a cool bootleg. Its thin layer of glossiness makes it like the box of a porn VHS tape but not as fun to look at. Did the world need this airbrushed wet dream? Was the copyright holder so desperate in the Comics Glut of ‘97 to allow this? Who’s the owner, anyway - that poker player who writes fairy tales? That guy? He hates Paul Scheer! No one hates Paul Scheer.
It’s swimsuit editions, it’s cosplayers, it’s boob shots drawn by virgins, it’s Faust and Vampirella and Swamp Thing, too. It’s Birdland. It’s Bettie Page and Godzilla and Adam West. It’s the comics warehouse in Brooklyn that smells like cat piss and failure. It’s the old Flash TV show, it’s Gil Kane working in animation and Steve Rude posing for Nexus, it’s the golden oldies playing in the comic store going out of business for selling kiddie porn and Valiant comics, it’s copies of unopened Wizards in a longbox, it’s statue boxes on display, it’s sun bleached Zero Hour posters, it’s all of it. The whole shebang. It’s comics.
Writer A: Have someone tell the boring young wisecracking girl, like, “You need to decide why you’re here.” Someone’s said that to her every single episode but I don’t think the audience gets that she has to decide why she’s there. Not yet they don’t! It’s so suspenseful— what if she decides her place is actually a Jamba Juice or underneath a urinating hobo. Who knows????
Writer B: Then, Agent Bald can teach that black guy from the first episode how to be a good dad again. People who are still watching this show — they want the greatest hits! Let’s stick to the classics. Plus, we have the entire Marvel universe to set this in so—
Writer A: Long Beach?
Writer B: Exactly! So the black guy is going to act like a noble superhero this time, right? He’s going to be a really great character for kids to watch…?
Writer A: You almost had me going, you old so-and-so!
Writer B: I love to laugh with you! We have fun with our mischief. But no, no, he obviously acts like a massive pile of shit. But something is still missing… Acting like a big pile of shit isn’t enough….
Writer A: It’s based on Marvel comics and there’s a black character? Oh I know exactly how this should end!
(Cut to: funeral scene; writer A and B jump into air; freeze frame; Tina Turner’s “Simply the Best” begins to play; audience goes wild).
So this took me by surprise. More than it should have, I guess, because I was familiar with the pared-down styles Immonen uses when collaborating with Kathryn Immonen, née Kuder on their creator-owned work. But still…!
Playground was kind of a 3-issue “punk murder mystery,” the duo created in 1988 under their One-Horse Leadworks DIY publishing banner. It was their first foray into the comic book world alongside Headcheese, an anthology showcase of Toronto-area artists.
Seeing this reminds me of the perennial question newcomers like to ask the pros: “How do they get started in the world of big-time comics?”
This is how: You start by doing —your future is what you make it.
… Working late tonight; trying to get a quick citation from Westlaw. It suggested that I read more about Rob Liefeld instead.
"Your honor, I’d like to cite Badrock v. Combat. I haven’t slept in days, and also, there was a character named Combat and I’m just sort of still blown away by that. Also, when’s someone going to bring back ponytails, your honor? I think the guy in Brigade had two. Ham on rye.”
Initial thoughts on the Godzilla trailer: 1) They made a Godzilla movie I can’t show my nephews until they’re old. Capital idea! My nephews are weirdly into watching Bryan Cranston cry, though. They just sit in total silence and watch youtube clips of him crying, and then just sort of nod, mutter “This is good." Is that normal? Help me, mommy-blogs, you’re my only hope.
2) Is Godzilla going to fight another monster or what? These trailers are all super-dramatic but I’m not a super-dramatic person. I want to see the X-Men fight Sentinels; I want to see Godzilla fight Ghidorah. It’s not rocket science. I’m a one-issue voter on most movies. Is Meryl Streep going to put some people in their place by being withering? Does Amy Adams bake a cake? Does anyone get Jackass’ed, in either their face or chest regions? If Meryl Streep ever said something sarcastic about a pastry-product to Johnny Knoxville, I wouldn’t have to go see movies anymore. Close enough. (I would accept a Bam Margera, but not Bam’s parents).
3) I bet this trailer is a hit on those movie websites where people write in all-caps. That’s not about anyone who enjoyed this trailer— bless you, if you did— I just want to make fun of those sites more, in general.
4) I have this memory when the last Godzilla came out, and I think about this all the time, of being in a movie theater for… some other big special effects movie and as that trailer winding down, looking over and seeing this bigger dude going physically apeshit…? He had his arms to his sides and he was pumping them back and forth in a, like, a chugga-chugga move. His body-train was coming into station— he was like a porcine Thomas the Tank Engine (porcine Thomas the tank Engine was my favorite Miyazaki character). I don’t imagine that story ended well for that guy, or at least it doesn’t when I write my guy-I-saw-once fan-fiction (he makes out with Spock).
5) “None of us have faced a situation quite like this one before"— that’s about when I checked out. Nope. I like Godzilla movies, though. I hope this is a good one. Looks really dark, though— why not just turn on a lamp? Did Godzilla kill all the lamps? I don’t know— it’s not a well-timed trailer; the new Scorcese’s supposed to be a good one finally, and dirty; they’re calling it his Caligula; I don’t have any mental energy to be excited about anything else.
6) But the thing I like about Godzilla movies is actually how they make those miniature versions of Tokyo (which is never going to be in any American version). I’ve always wanted to go to a party where they serve wines and cheeses, and you hang out in a model version of Tokyo, and then at the end of the party, when everyone is drunk, everybody destroys Tokyo, but like in a fun charming Gatsby-party way and not an aggro limp bizkity-y Woodstock ‘99 way. ”Be your own Godzilla"— that’s how i want to live my life…